The last week has been full of beautiful, unexpected alignment so I just wanted to express some gratitude for it! I’m happy to say that I’m more excited about life than I have been in quite some time. Romances are blossoming, a new community project is forming and I just went for coffee with a friend and left with a peaceful west side apartment for the month. THANK YOU!
And it’s fortuitous timing: one year ago TODAY I left my well paid job. I’d just been unexpectedly evicted from my home and my long term relationship had ended shortly after that. Each day I woke up sad and didn’t really like myself very much any more. My job was the last piece that was grounding me in Los Angeles so now that I was free of that I decided to see it as an opportunity to take some time off and use my time and savings to invest in myself. My goal was to try to figure out what was off in my creativity and how I was (dis)engaging with the world. On the surface I appeared successful, but inside I knew I was only functioning at a lower capacity of my true potential. I began eating healthily and meditating regularly. I stopped watching mindless content and instead started reading and journaling frequently. I began to see a psychologist and heal some stormy family relationships. Soon after that I got the opportunity to go to Thailand for yoga teacher training. When I left I still figured I’d be able to fix all my brokenness and return after a couple of months with an awesome new project. Instead I peeled away even more and kept delaying my return until finally, five months later when I realized that the only thing that needed to be fixed was the misconception that I was somehow broken. So I returned to the US, accepting that the aspirations I had for myself would be part of a lifelong journey, requiring new levels of patience and that it was OK not to know exactly what I was going to do when I got back. For the following months I kept the travel mindset alive, feeling into what people, projects and places inspired me and listening for what might come next. After a string of unexpected occurrences my life is now beginning to take shape in a way that perfectly compliments one of my favorite mentor’s quotes:
“Don’t worry so much about what it looks like. Focus on what it FEELS like…”
– Dave Zaboski, I love you!
So after a year of going deep, and bringing up (and at least partially resolving) a slew of shadows and demons, I am ready to throw myself back into work, romance and life in general. While this moment and what’s coming next might look differently than I thought it would, it feels better than ever. I have so much gratitude for all of those beautiful souls who’ve guided me through this fascinating chapter of my voyage. SO MUCH LOVE <3
…I’ve got more to say but for now I’ve got to go, I’m attending a two evening workshop on spiritual sexuality, fueled by a refreshingly novel feeling of true love for myself. TO BE CONTINUED!